Miserable

Dua tiga minggu ni saya dalam keadaan teruk. Amat teruk. Minggu ni je, tiap-tiap malam menangis. Masalah yang saya hadapi bertimpa-timpa lately. Masalah yang akan tentukan sama ada saya akan dapat graduasi atau tidak sesi ni. Taknak disebabkan satu subjek, saya tak dapat graduate pada masa yang ditetapkan. Its not worth at all to extend a sem just because of one subject. Bukan apa, subjek tu bertindih setengah jam je dengan subjek lagi satu yang saya perlu ambil. Tiga minggu ni, saya usahakan benda ni je. Sampai terabai yang lain-lain. I can't even focus on my research project. Hati tak tenang, down, lemah, semua sekali. Crying is good to relieve sadness, but if it is too much, it can lower down our immune system. Plus saya stress to the max sekarang, lagi bertambah-tambah down immune system saya. I can feel that. Now, I feel sick, really sick.


But im thankfull to god, for giving me a little strength when im trying hard to face all this challenges. I still didnt loss my appetite to eat, i still didnt forget to laugh and smile, i still going to classes and didnt miss any lecture, i still go to lab doing practical and get good result, i still being responsible to carry on my research project. It just that when im alone, when im praying, reading quran, before sleep, i'll cry.


I hope this is not going to be so long, cause im tired, this thing did bother me so much. Saya janji pada diri sendiri, kalau masaalah ni berakhir dan keputusannya berpihak pada saya, saya taknak dah sedih-sedih lagi. Dulu pun dah janji pada diri sendiri, start sem baru, takde sedih-sedih dah, tapi jadi jugak benda macam ni, can't help it. Yang ni so far dugaan paling berat selama 4 tahun belajar. I've never been so down like this.


Lepas blogpost yang ni, berharap akan ada sinar baru and i'll be a completely different person who are cheerful and lively. Aminn Ya Allah.